KK WISDUMBS

Some KK Wisdumbs …Misspelling everything but the truth. Trauma with a punchline 👊🏼 ADHD friendly #thinkingisfree 🧠

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  • Emotional Fragility: To eggshell or not to eggshell…

    The Danger of Emotional Fragility

    To Eggshell or Not to Eggshell?

    Some people experience the world as a threat. They filter everything through insecurity. Every word, every joke, every bit of feedback runs through one question to them : Am I good enough?

    And no matter what you say, the answer they hear is no.

    You can speak gently. You can reassure them. You can apologize when nothing was wrong, and they will still twist it into proof that you meant harm. It’s exhausting.

    You try to share your heart, they feel attacked. You try to explain, they get more defensive. Soon you’re walking on eggshells, whispering around someone’s shame, slowly disappearing in the name of someone else’s comfort.

    I used to think walking on eggshells was kindness. That if I could say things the right way, more carefully, I could keep the peace or help them see me. That if I adjusted enough, explained enough, reassured enough, I could fix them. Allow them to feel safe.

    But you can’t make someone feel safe inside themselves , when it isn’t safe inside themselves. You can’t calm a war they keep feeding with insecurity and defensiveness. You can only exhaust yourself trying.

    Because when someone is emotionally fragile, accountability feels like an attack.

    Emotional fragility is what happens when a nervous system can’t tolerate discomfort without turning it into threat. When feedback feels like rejection. When conflict or being challenged feels like shame.

    It isn’t weakness. It’s a survival response shaped in environments where emotions weren’t safe, where love was conditional, where mistakes were punished, and where being fully seen led to withdrawal, ridicule, or loss.

    So the nervous system learned to stay alert, guarded, defensive, or quiet. Over time, everything starts to feel personal. Neutral moments feel charged. Honest conversations feel dangerous. And responsibility feels unbearable because it threatens the fragile sense of self holding everything together.

    So instead of learning regulation, they learn protection. Instead of learning accountability, they learn avoidance. Instead of learning how to stay present through discomfort, they learn how to escape it, often through fantasy.

    Fantasy feels safer than reality. Reality asks for self reflection. Fantasy asks for belief in a distortion or distraction. They become attached to who they could be and terrified of who they are.

    They live as fantasy addicts, hooked on potential, promises, and future versions of themselves. Accountability threatens the fantasy. It brings things back to the present, to truth, and they are deeply resistant to that.

    Anyone who tries to ground them in reality becomes the problem, the threat.

    They think they’ve taught you to be careful. You think you’ve learned to be easygoing and agreeable. But really, you’ve been taught to abandon yourself.

    Because you cannot build emotional safety with someone who is at war with themselves. Their insecurity will always turn you into the enemy. You can’t love them enough. You can’t be perfect enough. You can’t tiptoe or give enough.

    At some point, it stops being about them. It becomes about what happens to you when you keep editing yourself to protect someone else’s fragility.

    When you’re constantly adjusting your words, your tone, your truth, not because you’re unclear, but because you’re afraid of how it will be received. When there is no self-reflection on their end, you become the one doing all the changing just to keep the peace.

    You start thinking more about how something will land than whether it’s actually true. You start prioritizing someone else’s comfort over your own clarity and self respect.

    And that’s the quiet danger. Not conflict. Not offense. But the slow erasing  of your  voice.

    Because living in truth requires friction. And when you organize your life around avoiding it, you don’t create peace, you create silence.

    At some point, you realize 

    it’s not your job to be easier to handle.

    It’s your job to be honest. And if someone can’t meet you there,

    that’s not a communication issue.

    That’s a capacity issue.

    — KKWisdumbs

  • Happiness Is Sunshine, Joy Is the Sun Itself đŸ§ đŸ§ 

    Happiness is the sunshine that comes and goes, joy is the sun itself.

    Happiness changes with the weather, but joy stays even in the rain.

    What happens when it rains and the sun is still out? A rainbow.

    ☀️ Happiness Is Sunshine

    Happiness comes from what’s happening around us.

    It’s when life feels good, when things go our way, when we feel loved, when we succeed.

    But it doesn’t always last, because it depends on what’s going on outside of us.

    🌞 Joy Is the Sun Itself

    Joy comes from within. It’s steady, and not based on what’s happening.

    It grows from gratitude, peace, and faith.

    Joy says, “Even if everything isn’t perfect, I’m okay.”

    It’s the strength that helps you through hard times, and it’s what lets you really feel happiness when it finally shows up.

    There will always be things in life that upset us, but when we can say, “I’m upset about this, but I’m grateful I have that,” gratitude can always bring the joy back.

    It doesn’t mean we can’t ever be sad or disappointed  , we’re human. But as I told myself last year when I felt very defeated, “I’m very down, but I’m grateful.” You can be grateful and still down, as long as you don’t stay there forever.

    There’s a song I love by Tye Tribbett called Only One Night Tho, and the lyrics say:

    “If you cry, make sure that you cry, only one night tho.

    If you’re sad, make sure you’re sad, only one night tho.

    If you stress, make sure that you stress, only one night tho.”

    As long as we don’t live in it, we can experience it  and keep our joy. The song isn’t literal like you’re only allowed to cry one night, but it definitely brought me some comfort and gave me some direction when I heard it.

    🌈 Finding Joy Through Action

    Sometimes joy comes from action. I’m only saying this because I need the reminder too , action that goes against what we feel like doing when we’re stuck in ourselves.

    My mom is a great example. She’s lived through things that would’ve broken most people, yet she still shines and has joy.

    Where does she get it from? The Lord.

    Her joy comes from reading the Bible every day, praying every day, serving someone else every day, and showing gratitude every day. She has 101 reasons to be bitter but she chooses joy instead.

    How we take action may look different for everyone, and we can always complain about our circumstances, but when we step outside ourselves and help someone else, the gratitude comes back.

    The joy comes back.

    A relative of mine once faced a rough season, unsure what the future would hold. One day he noticed a mom’s post about her little boy’s birthday wish  to see a certain car.

    He happened to own that exact one, so he drove it to the party even though he wasn’t feeling his best.

    No cameras, no credit, just kindness.

    For a few hours, he made the child’s dream come true, and in that simple act, it brought him joy as well.

    💖 The Truth About Happiness

    The thing about being happy is we often say, “I’ll be happy when…”

    I’m here to say I’m not sure we’ll ever be happy if there’s a “when” after that.

    Happiness is circumstantial. We say we’ll be happy when we find the partner of our dreams, when we have more money, when we get that promotion.

    But when that “when” comes, if you don’t have joy within, you still won’t always be happy.

    No amount of money, no amount of success, nothing will make us happy permanently if we live off circumstances.

    Because sunshine doesn’t stay, it goes. Clouds come, rain comes.

    But if you build yourself in the sun not when you see the sun , that joy stays  rain or shine.

    Then when the things you’ve prayed for finally come, you’ll appreciate them even more, and your gratitude will stretch even farther.

    Have you ever seen someone get what they’ve always dreamed of but still not feel fulfilled?

    That’s because happiness can’t fill a space meant for joy.

    🙏 Gratitude Is the Gateway

    I’ve realized this by watching people who’ve faced real hardship and still walk around thanking God for what they have.

    Knowing you want something  , a dream, a calling, a financial blessing is okay.

    It’s great. But finding joy along the way just makes the journey lighter.

    Being happy in the now, through joy, is like a tall glass of water on a hot day after a long hike , it makes every step easier.

    For as many things as there are to complain about, there are just as many (and more) to be grateful for.

    Your health. And if you don’t have your health, maybe you have people who love you.

    And if you don’t have people who love you, maybe you have a place to sleep.

    And if you don’t have anything else, you still have God and He knows what you need.

    That means you already have everything.

    You probably have so many things right now that you prayed for ten years ago.

    Did it change how you feel? Or did you just create a new “When” “When this happens, I’ll be happy”?

    It’s not easy. It’s like taking vitamin C and working out. You can’t just do it once.

    You have to remind yourself every day (even myself ) why joy matters, so that when you get to your “ Win” or your “ When,” you’re ready to receive it.

    Times are hard right now. So many people have reasons to feel down  that’s inevitable.

    But if you can find even one little glimmer of hope in a dark day, the road ahead won’t seem so far away.

    — KKWisdumbs

  • Ego can’t live in confidence đŸ§ đŸ§ đŸ§ 

    Ego can’t live in confidence.✨✨

    It would die there.

    Confidence can admit its faults. It can sit in a low place without feeling like it takes away from who it is. Confidence has the courage to apologize, accept truths, and change if need be.

    Ego can’t accept any of that. Deep down ego already feels not good enough. Any flaw feels like more evidence of that. So it deflects, it points fingers, it puts up a shield to bounce every truth back onto someone else. Because looking inward means facing the ugly parts, and ego doesn’t want to go there.

    Ego, which is masked insecurity, tells itself that looking inward means whatever was said about them must define them. That if they admit it, then everything else about them is bad. Admitting it feels like it takes away the false perception they think of themselves. Ego can’t apologize.

    Sometimes someone will point something out in you, not in a mean way, but in honesty. And it may hurt, that’s normal. But ego takes it farther. Ego makes it feel like you as an entire person is being attacked by someone sharing a concern.

    Confidence sees it differently. If it isn’t true, you can let it go. If it is true, you can take what you need from it without it crushing your sense of self.

    Ego poisons your growth.

    Confidence waters it.

    The Difference  Out loud.

    Someone once asked me,

    “How do you go from working certain high profile jobs to then doing work most people would be too embarrassed to do?”

    The answer is simple: because I know who I am.

    My worth doesn’t change depending on where I am or what I’m doing. It doesn’t change if I’m picking up trash, and it doesn’t change if I’m working a high profile dream job.

    I know my character. I know my light. That doesn’t get brighter because of a $100,000 outfit or dimmer because of a Ross one. People would feel the same about me either way because the outside doesn’t define the inside.

    And when you don’t live in ego, you can enjoy the things ego would never let you. You can see the positives in the job you’re in right now instead of obsessing over the one you wish you had. Ego robs you .Sometimes, self-respect, and ego can show up looking similar, but only we know the true motives behind our decisions.

    When your worth depends on the clothes you wear, the titles you hold, or the people you stand next to, your letting things and  people define your worth. In that case You’ll end up in more compromising situations, doing things you wouldn’t normally do just to get the validation you think you need. 

    But when confidence lives in you, you won’t fold. You don’t need to prove it. You don’t need to sell yourself short for it.

    What Defines You (And What Doesn’t)

    Confidence knows that clothes, cars, jewelry, or brand names don’t define your worth.

    We all have insecurities in some form or another. Nobody is exempt from that. But when you know you’re a good person inside, you never have to let someone’s shallow opinion, if they choose to look down on you, change what you know in your heart and what God has already said about you.

    True confidence comes from the inside. Period.

    Character should be the real designer bag.

    Love should be the real Cadillac.

    Kindness should be the real Ferrari and the real flex.

    A Real Example

    I remember being at work once when a girl threatened to quit unless she got something that I had, simply because it gave me status. The person in charge asked if I would be willing to give it to her so she would stop throwing a fit.

    Ego would have said no.

    Confidence said, “Go ahead.”

    Because she clearly needed that to feel better about herself. I didn’t.

    Ego needs validation. It needs all the shiny things and the constant proving of a worth that people aren’t even asking you to prove. Without those things, it has nothing to lean on.

    The Difference Between Loud and Strong

    That’s the difference.

    Confidence is quiet. Ego is loud.

    But loud doesn’t equal strong.

    The loudest voice in the room is usually the most afraid.

    The second you see ego for what it is, you take its power away.

    Ego dies when you starve it.

    And when it does, you finally get to grow.

    –kkwisdumbs

  • I’ve never seen a giver go without âœ¨

    This might offend some people (sorry .. kinda  ) but have you ever noticed how the ones always trying to cut corners or get a deal are usually the same ones who always seem to  need more? Like it’s never enough , they still always feel they are lacking. 

    Meanwhile, I’ve never seen a true giver go without.

    Even if it’s just a warm meal for the day, somehow, they’re always taken care of. They are always content.

    Takers, on the other hand?

    They’re always chasing something.

    And still coming up empty.

    That doesn’t mean takers never win or givers never go through hard times, but I’ve  noticed the people who move with a “Get mine ” mindset, the ones constantly penny pinching like:

    “That sandwich I got Billy Bob cost me $6.26, and I even left a penny tip… so now I’m out $6.27. That could’ve been two coffees this week”

    People like that?

    They’re usually running low in some area.

    If I take a friend out to lunch, I don’t go home thinking:

    “That was $38.26. I could’ve used that for gas.” 🙄

    That sounds tiring. 

    You can’t always shift the mindset of someone wired to ask,

    “What do I get out of this?”

    Some people just love receiving more than they love giving and that’s fine.

    But if giving comes naturally to you,

    if it makes your heart happy,

    then that’s a kind of wealth money can’t buy 

    Because Happiness is true wealth.

    The Giver/Taker 👀 

    If you’re a giver, you’re going to attract takers.

    That’s just how it works.

    (Which, yes, I fully unpacked in my “Boundaries Are Sexy” article.)

    However , here’s what’s wild 

    so many takers think they’re givers.

    They’ll say stuff like,

    “Well I got her a gift last year and she didn’t get me one, so I’m not doing that again.”

    Um… that’s not giving.

    You didn’t give from your heart you gave because you wanted a birthday gift  back. 

    I once had a guy send me a bouquet of flowers 🌺

    I thanked him.

    I said “Thank you so much that was very kind”

    He was furious  I said “Thank  you“ because he had expectations that that there was going to be more then Thank you , He had expectations even though I already told him several times very politely how I felt.  

    So… you didn’t send flowers because you thought I deserved them.

    You sent them because you wanted something in return and got angry at me when it didnt do what you intended it to do.

    Now, of course, being a giver doesn’t mean you won’t be disappointed. It hurts sometimes. It hurts when someone you’ve shown up for  over and over can’t show up for you in a small way . You keep showing up because that’s who you are until one day, you realize they aren’t just unavailable they’re using you. And that’s when you stop . 

     đŸ§   “ Isn’t that kind of doing things and expecting as well? “ 

    Glad you asked. 

    There’s a huge difference between giving for selfish reasons , (wrong motives) and just expecting human decency . One is self serving, the other is self respect .

    Yes, we need money to survive. But that’s not what makes us rich. I’ve seen people hoard, lie, and scam just a protect their money or gain, and still end up being or feeling empty. I’ve seen people give freely with nothing and still somehow stay full.

    I’m super independent. I don’t ask for much. I don’t like to inconvenience people. If I can figure it out on my own, I will .

    Not everyone thinks that way and that’s OK. Some will ask for things u can’t always do and obviously you need to check peoples motives so you’re not being taken advantage of but my parents always taught me this:

    Never lend money you need / want back.

    If you’re going to give, be okay with the chance it won’t come back and if your not then you don’t need to do it. Clearly, you can’t give to everyone in the world. Clearly you have to be mindful.

    That’s happened to me more than once.

    Lending and not getting it back and  yes, sometimes I get frustrated.

    God sees what’s taken.

    He’ll bless me in ways I don’t expect.

    If someone needs something so badly that they’ll  take what’s not theirs  from a person kind enough to help them out in hard times ? 

    They probably need it more than me.

    Nothing goes unnoticed by God.

    I don’t have to chase what I gave away.

    He’s got me.

    A Quiet Little Miracle ✨

    There was a time I had $50 to my name.

    I’d just paid rent. I owed my tax guy $200.

    I was cleaning bathrooms at church  sunday evenings and serving in the mornings and I was feeling kinda low about my financial situation 

    But something told me to give what I had left.

    So I did.

    I dropped that envelope into the offering box.

     Two seconds later, a stranger walked up to me and said:

    “ I really felt like I need to give you this” 

    It was an envelope with exactly $200.

    The exact amount I needed.

    I sat in my car and cried. 😢

    That little moment?

    That was the reminder I needed.

    That even in the quiet places , even cleaning toilets 🚽

    He sees me.

    Entitlement Is a Blessing block ❌

    It’s how you respond to blessings. 

    It’s about a mindset.

    It’s being grateful with little 

    not ungrateful while still demanding more.

    It’s not expecting everything but appreciating nothing.

    Gratitude multiplies. Letting go  makes space for more.

    Entitlement drains the blessing because you can’t see it . 

    I once bought a stranger a whole footlong sandwich.

    He opened it, looked at it,

    and threw it on the ground.

    It  wasn’t the meat he wanted.

    He wanted turkey. Not chicken. 🆘

    It’s that kind of mindset that gets people stuck.

    Always looking at what’s wrong with the gift,

    instead of what’s  right with the fact they got one at all.

    Next time someone gives you a free soda and you wanted an iced tea…

    try being grateful.

    If someone opens their home instead of complaining about everything appreciate that you got a free place to stay 🙏🏼

    The more grateful you are,

    the more blessed and appreciative you start to feel ☺️☺️

    The more you give naturally, 

    the more you’re taken care of in some way, somehow.

    Not because you earned  it, or planned it 

    but because your heart’s in the right place to receive it.

    So yeah…

    Give.

    But Give smart without being taken advantage of.

    Pour into people who reflect your heart. 

    Because I’ve never seen a true giver go without. 

    And I’ve never seen someone who gives with love…

    lack contentment and peace.

    -KKwisdumbs

  • Dear survivor, 💪🏼

    You try to live life like everyone else.

    You don’t want to be a burden or seen as a “victim” Even though you are a true victim of abuse.

    You just want to feel normal

    But then out of nowhere, you’re standing in a crowd of smiling strangers

    And a flash of a bad memory hits you

    And suddenly there’s no escape.

    You’re stuck in a moment only you can see.

    In a room full of people who have no idea what you’ve been through or what your seeing.

    Even speaking feels impossible but don’t drop that smile because they will wonder.

    How do you explain a pain so deep it would make most people uncomfortable. A truth so heavy they’d avoid it?

    Guess what?

    Every single day you wake up and do life, you are winning.

    You are winning a battle the world will never understand . Even if they tried. And most people don’t want to.

    I know it feels lonely.

    I know you feel lost and unheard.

    I know it feels like justice is a joke

    And understanding from society is impossible.

    But still, you’re doing it.

    You are surviving something most people never could.

    You’re fighting a battle that shows up every single day

    And you’re doing it without applause

    Without always having support

    And often with no one even knowing what you have been through

    And are still going through.

    God does. And God is there

    Yet sometimes it still feels like you’re walking through it alone.

    And yet, you keep going.

    You show up. You breathe.

    You carry things no one sees. That makes you strong. That makes you different.

    And I believe with everything in me that God is going to turn what was meant to destroy you into something powerful.

    If I can’t change what happened to me , please God, use it for someone else.

    What tried to break you will become the reason someone else finds their strength. What tried to silence you will be the thing that sets someone else free.

    You didn’t deserve what happened.

    But you do deserve peace.

    And it’s coming.

    Because somewhere out there, the sirens are still making noise

    And this next part is a poem for every survivor still waiting to be heard and rescued:

    Sirens

    Late at night, I hear the sound of sirens.

    Where are they going?

    Are they gonna arrest the man who hurt her ? Any girl they rescue makes my heart lighter, for sure.

    The hope she must have felt when the bright lights came. That’s for you, girl. They even know your name.

    They’re banging on his door and now you don’t gotta worry or sleep in fear anymore.

    And though your pain won’t disappear tonight There’s victory knowing someone fought for your right.

    A tear rolls down my cheek, As I sit here and think, reflect. Not to steal your moment, Not to redirect

    But deep inside a thought I can’t dismiss, it hit me , I wish they had shown up for me like this.

    Forgive me , But now I’m just trying to speak I remember when he tried to kill me and I couldn’t even breathe.

    Damn, But now he’s out there walking free, and worse, He’s even living right next to me.

    This feels unfair , So I shouted to the streets, But silence in the air. No one can hear.

    What I’ve endured is one of peoples worst fear But does anyone really care? I mean it’s my problem, not theirs.

    Standing still, Shouting loud But not saying a word. I wish it was my turn for the sirens to be heard.

    I wish my heroes would come and take him away. And even though nightmares and pain will forever stay, I just wanted, once in this lifetime To hear someone say:

    You’re gonna be okay.

    And I’d hear the sirens

    As they would take him far away.

    Written by -KKwisdumbs

    UNTIL your sirens come, be your own.

    You’re gonna be okay.

    Don’t give up.

    Keep going.

    You’re doing what most couldn’t.

    And I’m proud of you.

    -KKwisdumbs

  • Boundaries are sexy đŸ’…đŸźđŸ§ 

    I knew the word would catch your attention.
    But this kind of sexy doesn’t come in heels (boo, I know). This is mind sexy. ✨ (like my little kk brain sidekicks) 🧠


    In fact, let me reintroduce myself:
    I’m not who you last took advantage of because of my lack of boundaries mixed with your usary. (If that’s not a word, it is now and I made it up) 😁


    Anyway, be prepared to run, because you won’t be able to walk all over this retired doormat.
    You heard it folks  I’ve  retired. This ex-doormat is out of service. Gone like your last fearful avoidant ex.

    Why am I retiring my doormat shoes? Because I realized the only way to stop being taken advantage of when you have a good heart is to take accountability for what you allow.
    Ding ding ding 🛎️

    🧠Is it really that simple?
    Maybe not emotionally. But practically? Yeah.
    🧠: “Can you get your money, energy, or heartbreak back?”
    No. But you can protect what’s left. With one tiny, powerful, life-changing word: “No.”
    🧠: “Wooooow.”
    I know. Right?

    What are boundaries?  Well, I looked it up for you because I needed to as well : “They are the limits, rules, or guidelines we set to protect our time, energy, body, emotions, and values in relationships with others and with ourselves”
    If you only care about saying yes to everyone but yourself, you won’t ever think to practice boundaries.
    Here’s the thing. We can’t control anything that people do. The only thing we can control is ourselves.


    I was tired. Like tired tired. Nervous system  tired , peace gone  kind of tired. Not just from my own personal situations I was dealing with  at the time , but on top of that constantly being the emotional helper for everyone else’s drowning,  even when I felt I needed some air myself.
    I felt like it was my responsibility to  solve things . Not in a bitter way , in a “I must help” way. If someone had an issue , it should be mine too, right?  Not at the cost of your own downfall or peace or with the wrong people.


    There’s two reasons I think people overextend or don’t have boundaries. One is they’re afraid of the person’s scary or intimidating response (often a trauma response), so they feel if they make sure and do what that person wants or needs, everyone stays happy (people-pleaser).


    The other reason is they have a big heart and a lot of empathy and always feel bad and want to help from their heart .
    What if you’re both?

    Well then… you are 💩 out of luck 🍀 #disasterbro … Just kidding ,  but you need to know when to pull back a  second and pause.
    When you don’t have any boundaries, you’re teaching people that they don’t need to respect you because you don’t respect you .  When “ Feeling bad for them” comes before your own dang  feelings. You’re attracting good people,  but also selfish people.

    Ahhh hail … did I just realize I have no boundaries and that’s why I have these boundaryless people in my life? Oh snap 🚨🚨 I need to change this. I need to be okay with choosing me sometimes. No . often. 🧠

    Growing up in the church, we were taught to , endless forgive , turn the cheek  , give the shirt off our backs etc, thats  great but I  misunderstood it as being a doormat and even Jesus had  boundaries. I still believe in being there for people mentally and physically .But I’ve learned that saying yes to everyone in the world at the same time  is just another way of saying no to yourself. You start saying yes out of guilt instead of joy.


    Okay, so you realize you don’t have any boundaries and you have to set them.


    Now for the scary part, telling people about them ! Trust me, it is hard at first in fear of them being mad at you but it gets easier. Do you really want a friend or co worker that’s mad at you for not letting them take advantage of you?
    No.


    You have to know that even the ones you love may not like or respect your newfound boundaries, and you may need to prepare to say goodbye to some 👋🏼


    You’re gonna have to take a chance on maybe losing someone… or two someones.
    But the TRUTH is  you  don’t lose the ones who loved you. You lose the ones who only loved your availability. The ones who were entitled to your, “doormat”

    There’s a difference between asking for support and demanding access. They wanted  access to you, 24/7 You can’t be scared of people who do that because you’re not losing anything by losing people who don’t care for you.


    Give one little boundary after saying yes 500 times and watch the  users and abusers throw a tantrum and then jump ship. #byeee
    They  lose it. They lose it because they liked you only because you never said no . lol man this is disheartening…I thought they liked me for my bad dad jokes 🥹


    The people who twist your boundaries into rejection and make it about them were never really respecting you in the first place. But ya know what? I’m gonna love them anyway  just from a distance because that is what helps my peace personally as well .


    For the ones with the heart that love  to be there for people, I dare you to pray this prayer:


    “God, remove anyone not meant for me the users, the guilt trippers, the ones who drain my joy or disrespect my no. That I feel I have to keep proving my love by what they demand of me . “
    And guess what?
    You will see it happen fast. And at first, it hurts. But then you remember the prayer.


    Now? I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because instead of being upset that  people were mistaking my kindness For weakness, I can change the the part I play in it by not having limits . I’m saving my main energy for the understanding,  the soft hearts , the  givers , the lovers,  and boundary respecters . For my people. You don’t need to over explain to your people
    And yes  I’m one of my people now too .


    The  right people grow flowers when you water them. And they water you when you need watering so you can grow some too.
    There’s no one sided track no more . We’re all in this together or  ✌🏼


    So if you’re tired, If you’ve started resenting your own  “Yes “ If you’re mourning people who left when you set a boundary… (thank you for showing your colors btw  )
    It’s ok . You’re just becoming the yes to yourself as well which you deserve. As long as you are willing to do your part by looking in it’s none of your business how they react or what they do.


    Say no when it doesn’t feel right and with a boot 👢 …ok so maybe just Say it kindly. Say it however. But say it.
    Watch the takers leave.
    Watch your peace return.
    And then?
    Watch how free you feel 🙏🏼 🧠✨


    —KKwisdumbs

  • Stay small and you’ll be liked✨✨

    That was the lie I learned early anyways.


    I remember at 9 years old coming down the escalator with three friends, laughing and cracking jokes. We were about to walk in a little wannabe but why not kids runway show. Cute, right? Wrong…


    Out of nowhere, a girl who had been staring at me I didn’t even know slapped me across the face. She then said:
    “You think you’re better than everyone else, don’t you?”
    The other girls froze, eyes wide. No one knew what to say.
    Tears streamed down my face. I ran to my mom and told her what happened, but there was no time. We had to go backstage.


    I remember thinking, what did I do wrong?
    Why would someone hit me for just existing?
    And just like that, I learned, don’t ever let anyone think you think you’re better than them by being too big or too happy.


    That message got reinforced again and again my entire life until I learned.


    When I started at a new school I was excited about, I was bullied by a group of girls first day for again, being there . Gum in my hair, laughter behind my back, threats to squash my skull ( can’t even repeat the rest but ya they thought they were tough shi✨ in my little town🙄 )


    However, because they threatened that and wanted to meet me outside for a fight I wasn’t a part of, I got emergency expelled along with the bully for threats made TO ME. #makeitmakesense 🧠


    The principal called me and my mom in to his office and said, “Maybe she shouldn’t dress so nice. Don’t be so put together. That could be part of the problem. These girls are feeling threatened.”
    Oh, right. What was I thinking? Dressing nice? Being excited to belong on my first day? That calls for D* threats for sure . I forgot I was supposed to stay small. I should’ve showed up in that garbage bag I just got on sale at Target they would have LOVED that 👌🏼


    I think that’s where my comedy came from, self-deprecating.
    Hence why this account is called, @KKwisDUMBs. Would anyone want to listen to  me if I was @kkSMARTS? 😂 I mean, I also can’t spell tho and no, that part’s not self-deprecating. I really can’t spell 🙈😂
    Anyway, back to my story.


    I knew as long as you stay dumb, small, don’t dress too nice, don’t stand too tall, constantly make fun of yourself, and win quietly people will be cool with you.
    But what a lie.


    It kept me stuck. Made me self-destruct and kept me afraid to stand out .


    I always gravitated toward the underdogs. I chose the misfits and the troublemakers over the perfect straight A kids.
    Part of me felt like I had to be the rebel, the bad one, even though deep down I wasn’t. My heart was too soft, too big.
    But I figured I’d be safe as long as I wasn’t the good or shiny one.


    I had a best friend I loved deeply.
    She had been through a tragic event, and I went out of my way to show her love.
    I introduced her to my circle. And even my family took her in after a big loss so she wouldn’t feel alone.
    But somewhere along the way, she started resenting me.
    I had a medical condition for a minute and lost some weight, and she began spreading rumors that I was anorexic.
    In reality, she was battling an eating disorder herself and  had  scheduled a liposuction without telling me.


    She got cold, Short, Distant. And I didn’t understand. I just kept praying. Asking God to help me keep loving her even when it hurt because I was so confused. What did I do wrong?


    Eventually, she admitted the truth.
    “I get upset when people compliment you all the time . When we’re out, everyone is always coming up to you in front of me and complimenting you , saying  this or that  blah blah and  no one  says anything about me.”
    She said she knew it wasn’t right, but she couldn’t help how she felt about me .
    It broke my heart. This is why u don’t like ME?!
    Because even after everything I did, all the love I gave, it still wasn’t enough. She was mad at  me over something I couldn’t fix or change and I was powerless on how she felt.


    After that I would be screaming inside  if someone tried to complement  me in front of her or anyone . I’d try to change the subject and make it about her . I was so scared she was going to get mad at me but  then I realized it wouldn’t have mattered and I couldn’t control it. She is gonna be upset  anyway and I had to be ok if I couldn’t feel loved  by her anymore.
    And that’s when I finally understood.


    You can give someone all the love in the world.
    You can make yourself small, silent, self-deprecating.
    You can bend and shrink and beg for approval.
    But if someone is committed to not seeing your worth, it won’t matter.


    They’ll never be your people.
    Not when you’re small.
    Not when you’re big.
    Not ever.
    So you might as well shine.
    You want to know how they are your people? Your people will want to see you win 🏆  There  is no competition in love.
    Because if someone can’t stand your light, it’s not your brightness that’s the problem,
    it’s their own darkness.
    And that’s not your responsibility.


    I love that meme that has gone viral, “Don’t shrink to make others comfortable,”
    You’re just hurting yourself for people that don’t even want to see YOU for their own reasons .
    Your light is not the problem and their insecurity is not your burden to carry.


    – @KKwisdumbs

  • Passive-Aggression: Quietest Way to Manipulate.

    Have you ever noticed being cool with someone and all of a sudden their behavior changes slightly? They’ll say everything‘s OK, but you know in your spirit something’s off.

    Sometimes it’s so little you don’t even notice it at all. Later on, you find out you were right. ( I knew it !! ) 🤯

    They admitted that when they posted their cat picture on Instagram, you didn’t leave a comment, but you left a comment on Sally Sue’s, so now they’re mad and you’re gonna pay, buddy!

    They’re secretly now holding some cat resentment and creating a story in their head about why you didn’t like the cat picture… when really, you just didn’t see it, You were driving, you don’t live your life for Instagram, or better yet… you HATED that cat picture 😼

    Instead of communicating, they pull away, make comments, or act cold while refusing to explain what’s actually wrong. You’re left confused, overthinking, and apologizing for silence on something you don’t even understand.

    And the truth is, cat jokes aside, it keeps everyone stuck. One person’s too fearful to speak up, the other’s too exhausted trying to fix something they can’t even name. Nobody grows in silence. If you can’t say what’s bothering you, don’t punish someone else for not reading your mind.

    Passive-aggressiveness is what happens when someone doesn’t know how to handle friction and never learned to use their words. So instead, they play games. It says, “I’m too fearful to tell you I’m upset, so I’ll just act weird and hope you magically figure it out.”

    It’s full toddler:

    🍼 Silent treatment,

    😶 Awkward energy,

    😒 Weird vibes,

    🔮 And they expect you to somehow figure it out ?

    That’s not emotional maturity. That’s manipulation.

    And half the time, they’ve created a whole storyline in their head that would be cleared up if they just came to you and admitted they’re having a conversation with themselves because of some small offense you probably didn’t even know you caused.

    If someone you’re dating, a friend, or even related to starts acting like you need psychic powers just to be around them  don’t play the mind reader. That’s not love. That’s control. And at some point, no matter how you were brought up, you’ve gotta do the work inside to figure out why certain things cause you to act the way you do and grow. We all do.

    Let them throw their tantrum alone. Because that’s what it is . A tantrum. When they’re ready to communicate like an adult, they can come back and talk about it. Until then, protect your peace. We’ve all got bigger things to worry about in the world right now than emotional manipulation and guessing games.

    @kkwisdumbs

  • What’s the difference between being a victim and victim mentality? đŸ¤”

    People online often comment under a woman’s / man’s story of abuse with things like,

    “You’re such a victim,” or “Don’t be a victim.”

    But here’s the truth: She is a victim.

    She’s a victim of abuse. And I honestly can’t believe this even has to be said out loud.

    If you’re walking down the street and you get beaten up and robbed,

    you were the victim of a robbery.

    If someone targets you because of your race, gender, or identity,

    you’re a victim of a hate crime.

    You’re not “being a victim.”

    You were/ ARE a victim.

    That’s what the word means. (Duh) 🙄

    Victim mentality, on the other hand, is completely different.

    It’s when someone creates their own problems, refuses to take responsibility, and constantly blames the world without any self-reflection.

    Example:

    “My house is always such a mess, I don’t understand why this keeps happening to me…”

    Meanwhile, you live alone and never clean. That’s not being a a true victim. It’s victim mentality and it’s called avoiding accountability.

    “ Why cant I get a break? Why is everything falling apart in my life I can’t believe I got fired again “

    Meanwhile, they never show up to work on time. They get in fights with everybody in their office and their refusing to do what was asked. It’s like a blind spot where people cannot ever look inside.

    They always have to be a victim and it’s always everybody else’s fault there’s absolutely no accountability.

    That is victim mentality. It’s self obsession . Stop getting them confused and using the word to dismiss ACTUAL victims. It makes them afraid to speak up about the truth. The truth that may help millions of people.

    Being a victim of abuse is not a weakness. It’s a reality.

    And telling someone who’s survived abuse that they aren’t a victim or to stop playing a victim ?

    That’s gaslighting

    @kkwisdumbs